Entry for April 27, 2006
What physical item can make or break your day? Or the day of someone else in your life?
There are a lot of little things that make my day a bit brighter (or not) on a small scale but there is one thing in my house that can truly change my mental state, my plans for the day, how I look, how I feel. It holds a power over my that literally is all encompassing. So what inthe world could hold this power over me? It is something so innocuous that almost every home has one. You see them in stores, in doctors offices, in gyms. So? What do you think it is?
This small piece of metal, plastic and digital inner workings has a power over me like a drug. And like a drug, I try hard to resist its pull. Some days I can- I am strong and confident. Other days, I am weaker and need to have that fix. Other days, I feel a need for punishment. perhaps I ate too much the day before, and I need to remind myself whay “That is Not Good.”
I have come a long way in my addiction. I no longer “test” out the scales in stores, nor do I (usually) “verify” my own weight on scales in my friends’ homes. But my own scale beckons me, entices me, makes me think…how did I do yesterday?
And sadly, the number on my scale can make or break my day. Two-tenths of a pound can change my out look slightly depending on the way it goes. One pound or more can be either devastating or uplifting.
One good thing is that I am more aware of its power over me, and that lessens the impact of what it whispers sneakily into my mind. Yet it is still there, always watching me, making me wonder what it has to say.
Why don’t I just throw the damn thing out?
One I simply cannot answer any more than describing “why” I feel the need to let it rule my days. But i have hope. I am able to resist the scale more and more often. Some day, I will be free of its influence.