Deep musings…

Is the inner you aligned with the outer you?

Is it a cop out if I say yes and no?
Yeah, I guess it is. Drat, now I have to really do some thinking.
For the most part, I would say yes. I am a big believer in honesty and integrity. I tend to see things for what they are, say things as I call ’em, and appreciate it when people can do the same with me. In other words, if my butt looks fat in these jeans, tell me! Seriously, it hurts me more when people try to cover up or play head games with me. I would much prefer the truth, be hurt and get over it. And that is a big part of both the inner and outer mes.

However, being such a Cancer and sensitive soul, I can be very sensitive especially with certain issues. And it is hard for other people to know which ones they are at times. So if you follow my rule of telling it to me straight, it can sometimes backfire. I don’t like people to know that I am shy and sensitive. I hide my shyness and insecurity deeply and carefully. When I first meet people, I am typically terrified! Please don’t ever put me in a room with a bunch of people I don’t know. I’ll have a panic attack before I get there, then I recover, plaster my goofy smile and attitude on tightly, and go for it, shaking all the while on the inside. This is usually a huge surprise to people when I “come clean” on my fears.

Physically, the outer me looks pretty tough yet fun loving. I have many tattoos, and dress kind of “funky” for a person my age. I listen to heavy metal and alternative music. Lots of times people think I am way younger than 38. And that makes me think about how I don’t always feel my age. I feel like I should still be in my 20’s on occasion. Usually way before my early bedtime of 9pm. By then I feel ancient! ROTFL!

But really, I am a kind hearted person. Big mouth, big heart has been used to describe me. And like a Cancer/Crab, I guess I am tough on the outside and soft on the inside. Just please don’t try to boil me and dip me in butter. I am sure I would be tough and stringy!


6 responses to “Deep musings…

  1. Oh my gosh, we are the same person! I am terrified of group settings!! Luckily, I married someone who is awesome at small talk and can cover up for me!

    I love your honesty, we Cancers are a sensitive bunch, aren’t we?

  2. Sensitivity is a blessing and a curse I think. I’m sure it makes you more compassionate to how others are feeling, which is a good thing 🙂

  3. I think everybody is full of insecurities, but its hard to see that. Your posts have always sounded so strong, that does sorta surprise me about you.
    FYI, I hate soft shell crab- I prefer the hard shell;)

  4. Temper the strong with the soft and who do we have… You and you are perfect just the way you are.

  5. I can see that you’re big-hearted and sensitive…which is wonderful and awful too 🙂 I love the honesty of your post. TFS

  6. We seem to have a lot in common. I’m no good IRL at meeting people. I’m a Cancer too!

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