Are you pleased with what you look like? If you could change any part of yourself what would it be?
Oh this is such a tough one for me. Most people would look at me and say, How pretty, cute shape, etc. What they see, and what I see are two completely opposite things.
A huge part of my eating disorder (ed) is body dismorphia. That means that I have distorted “vision” of how I think I look. I look in the mirror and see rolls of fat, bags under my eyes, double chin…
Sadly, when my ed in in full swing, I hate– truly despise– just about everything about myself. My skin, my teeth, my weight, my blubber. On a good day, I can accept and occasionally even admire certain things about me. At those times, I like my hair, think I have a cute smile. But most days I hope for a neutrality towards myself.
If I could change something about my physical appearance today, it would be to tighten and tone all of my muscles, especially those in my thighs, hips and stomach. I hate my stomach! Ii recently started reading a book –oh who is the author- same woman who wrote the Vagina monologues– Eve Ensler! about women hating there stomachs. It became too painful and soul searching and I put it down.
Maybe this is a signal I should try to read it again.